Fundamentalist Star Trek Fans evangelize, warn the end is nigh

A group of radical Trekkie evangelists has met with complaints as they urge the student body to repent and be saved before the coming First Contact with the planet Vulcan.

The fundamentalist Star Trek fans have set up a booth on the Pedestrian Walkway to deliver their warning and call to faith. The basis for this concern lies in the 1996 work of Trekkie scripture “Star Trek: First Contact.”

“The Good Film is very clear,” says Marcie Halloway from behind her Klingon mask. “In the year 2063, the Chosen One, Zephram Cochrane, will build a spaceship engine that breaks the warp barrier. A passing Vulcan will hear the disturbance and land on Earth. From that moment forward, Human and Vulcan races will be united in a new and glorious future.”

The booth stands under a giant sign reading “Will YOU Live Long And Prosper?” Trekkies in traditional garments – knee-high boots, primary-color shirts and Star Fleet insignia pins – foist DVDs of scripture onto passersby.

“We’re not trying to harass anyone,” says John McDowan, who had donned the supererogatory false pointed ears for his ministry. “But people deserve to know the truth. We just want to warn them. We’re here to spread the Good News.”

Some skeptical students engage in theological debate with believers.

“Infallible scripture?” shouts a passing freshman. “What about Khan Noon Singh’s famous revolution, predicted to occur in the 1990s? Can’t explain that, can you? Dickwads!”

McDowan’s belief remains unshaken.

“It’s important to remember that the Good Films can’t always be taken literally,” he says. “The Word of Rodenberry is ineffable and beyond the knowledge of fankind. But our faith in the First Contact is strong.”

Not all Trekkies, however, share in McDowan’s mission.

“I mean, I consider myself a practicing Trekkie,” said undergraduate Harry Lee. “I break out a Ferengi costume every now and then, I meditate on the Kirk-Picard comparison, and every Sunday I observe a day of locking myself in my dorm to watch Original Series episodes in utter loneliness. But this mission work makes me uncomfortable.”

“It’s like the Good Film says,” Lee added. “Infinite Variety in Infinite Combinations.”

Other undergraduates are not swayed by even the underlying premise of McDowan’s argument.

“Alien contact in 2063? Please,” said undergraduate student Marty Howell. “I don’t know where people come up with this bullshit. Everyone knows the world will end in 2012 because God hates the gays.”

All writing and reporting by Julius Seizure.

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Posted by on Sep 11 2011. Filed under CRITICALLY URGENT NEWS, Knoxville News, News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

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