Opinion: This column is going to look great on my resume

Whitney Toomer, Columnist

Last week, I saw something interesting in Hodges Library. Four students were sitting at a table together in the Commons, each typing away on their respective laptops. This may not shock any of you, as students in this digital age use their computers for all sorts of things. Perhaps they were typing on Microsoft Word, doing research online, or e-mailing a professor. It slowly dawned on me, though, that each student, while sitting inches away from other real people, was surfing Facebook.

As I chuckled to myself and sipped my coffee, one thought kept going through my head: this would be the perfect sort of trite anecdote with which to open a poorly written, uninsightful column in a student publication that served more as a learning tool for undergrads than a quality source of informative or entertaining content that someone would actually want to read.

The more I thought about those Facebookers, the more I realized that no one would probably even read past the first paragraph of my editorial, rendering its quality utterly irrelevant. What really mattered, I realized, was cranking out 600 words that would fill approximately 15 square inches of paper next to bulleted lists of police arresting recreational drug users on campus.

Also important, I knew, was the picture of my beautiful, smiling face next to the article, as well as the clever name for my weekly asinine ramblings. Maybe “World Wide Whitney” or “Red, Whitney, and Blue.” After that, I knew that the majority of my writing could be Ku Klux Klan rhetoric from 1873 given the amount of attention the average reader devotes to the fetid pile of journalistic garbage that is my publication’s opinion section.

Now I can’t say for sure why you’re still reading these uninspired words, but I do know one thing: most of my prospective employers will only see “Weekly columnist, 2010-2012″ printed neatly on my resume. The few that actually look at my pieces will proably just think to themselves, “Oh, she was in college, just learning the ropes.”

Given that fact, I’m perfectly content to repeatedly mail my work in and watch my university spend lots of money that my fellow students pay in tuition to publish thousands and thousands of copies of the inert dribble that I vomit onto the page week after week. All that really matters is that I can honestly claim to have written dozens of articles for the most thrown-away student publication on campus. And now I have.

Short URL: http://lol.knoxvillewalnut.com/?p=498

Posted by on Aug 31 2011. Filed under CRITICALLY URGENT NEWS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

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