Totally lame zombies just want to talk about the environment

When marauding hoards of the undead descended upon Market Square Friday, shoppers and diners ran screaming for their lives before sheepishly realizing this particular gang of reanimated corpses just wanted to talk about clean energy.

“One of them tapped on my shoulder, and my life flashed before my eyes,” said 43-year-old Elizabeth Smith, who was dining at the Tomato Head at the time of the non-apocalypse. “But instead of ripping my throat out with its teeth, it just handed me some literature and asked me how I felt about nuclear power.”

The zombies were gathered not to mindlessly cannibalize the bodies of the living, but rather to protest the completion of the TVA-owned Bellefonte Nuclear Generating Station in northeast Alabama.  The zombies claimed, in perfectly comprehensible English, that the Bellefonte completion project would be more expensive and dangerous than pursuing renewable energy sources, which they advocated.

“I never actually felt threatened the whole time,” said Smith. “Really, the worst part of the whole thing was the folk music.”

–All writing and reporting by Softcoremac McCarthy

Short URL: http://lol.knoxvillewalnut.com/?p=299

Posted by on Aug 5 2011. Filed under CRITICALLY URGENT NEWS, FEATURED STORIES, Knoxville News, News, READ THESE OR YOUR CHILDREN MIGHT DIE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

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