Bush finally finds weapons of mass destruction underneath couch cushions

In a surprise announcement last Friday, former president George W. Bush declared that he has finally found the long sought-after nuclear weapons that prompted the U.S.’s 2003 invasion of Iraq. Bush stated that the weapons were in fact nearly 7,000 miles from their formerly suspected location near Baghdad, resting quietly between the cushions of a leather couch in the living room of Bush’s ranch house in McLennan County, Texas.

“Well I’ll be damned,” said the Bush, between chuckles. “They were there the whole time!”

The former president was reportedly watching a Smart Guy marathon on BET when, to his dismay, an episode centered around the family’s sassy teenage daughter Tasha began to air. It was at this point that Bush began to frantically search the room for his missing remote control in order to change the channel.

“It’s been said by some that I hate black people,” said Bush. “While this could not be further from the truth, I unfortunately can’t say the same for Essence Atkins’s character on Smart Guy.”

After several minutes of desperate searching, Bush located the remote and promptly switched over to a Cosby Show marathon airing simultaneously on TBS. Once the cushions had been removed, however, a few more lost technological devices were revealed to Bush: 13 fully-functional, ready-to-blow nuclear warheads formerly believed to be under the control Saddam Hussein’s regime in Iraq.

“It’s a good thing I haven’t invited Cheney over lately. After a few hours of Fox news and Jack Daniels, that lard-o’s usually bouncing off the walls.” said Bush. “One violent, drunken gesticulation while sitting on that couch could have turned east Texas a nuclear wasteland.”

When asked about the nearly 5,000 human lives lost $750 billion spent in Iraq by the U.S. in search of these weapons, Bush slapped himself in the forehead with the palm of his hand and exclaimed, “Doi!”

The couch in question, a full-grain leather four-seater manufactured in Grand Rapids, MI, is expected to appear before the UN Security Council later this month to face charges of secretly harboring nuclear arms.

– All writing and reporting by Softcoremac McCarthy

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Posted by on Jan 12 2011. Filed under ALL THINGS AARON CARTER, News, U.S. News, World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

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