Letter to the Editor: The SGApril Theses


1. It is the duty of the Volgaurd Party to explain the dissolution of the SGA. The results of the election are disappointing. However, We can take comfort in the explanatory powers of Fulmer- Summitism. Furthermore, our actions are consistent with the principles of Fulmer-Summitism.

2. The current levels of class-consciousness and revolutionary activity by the student-workers are the cause of the Party’s fifth place finish. Fulmer-Summitism tells us that both of these conditions must be met before the student paradise can exist. Fortunately, we are blessed with a student body that has been without class for some time. We, too, are without class. It is the state of the student-worker, then, which limits the success of the Party. It is this lack of success that requires the Volgaurd to take over the SGA. To speak frankly, there are no student-workers on campus. No one does anything.

3. Reach is nothing more than a Brogeoisie Party. They are Kiffinites in disguise. We can take heart that the student-worker demonstrated their fervent and frightening lack of class to drive away Kiffin and all of his reactionary petty-brogeoisie sentiments with a rain of burning mattresses. Kiffin has been exiled to California. It is not Mexico, but it used to be, and that is the most we can ask for at this time..

4. To return to the issue of class, we are faced with a number of difficulties. It is obvious to all who are versed in Fulmer-Summitism that the lower classmen suffer from an abundance of petty-brogeoisie desires. The upper-classmen are, well, upper-classmen. Neither can we abide at this moment.

5. Why is the University of Tennessee ripe for revolution? It is obvious to all Fulmer-Summitists that the University has long been the weakest leak in the SEC (Southeastern Capitalists) chain. Our more powerful neighbors have long exploited us (Georgia, Florida, Alabama and L.S.U.) as a cheap and abundant source of victories. We, too, have exploited our lesser neighbors (Vanderbilt, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi State, and Ole Miss). Catastrophic and humiliating losses to Eastern Powers, such as College of Charleston, are evidence enough of our weakened position.

6. This set of circumstances requires that a Party who is sufficiently classless and who meets the minimum standard of “student-worker” toss Reach and their Kiffinite deviations into the trash heap of history and establish a DICTATORSHIP of the BROLETARIET.

It is resolved:

1. The SGA is hereby dissolved. Until the completion of the Derek DULAG, the leadership of Reach and Spark will be imprisoned in South Stadium Hall. Their “Senators” will be exiled to UT Chattanooga.

2. Ayer’s Hall will be the seat of the Dictatorship. In the main lobby, Fulmer will be preserved in state for the eternity of the student paradise.

3. The Longstreet House is to be made into a museum documenting the revolutionary struggle.

4. Neyland will be turned into the SUPREME BROVIET. There will be 100,000+ Party representatives with no power who will meet once a year for 3 hours of games.

5. The city formerly known as Knoxville is now renamed VOLOGRAD.

6. All acts of government will be decrees issued by the BROLITBURO. The Brolitburo will consist of Brosef Stalin acting as President, Nattymir Chillich Lenin as Prime Minister and primary executioner, and Leon Brahsky as Commander of the Orange Arm.

by Nattymir Chillich Lenin

Short URL: http://lol.knoxvillewalnut.com/?p=150

Posted by on Apr 15 2011. Filed under ALL THINGS AARON CARTER, Knoxville News, News, READ THESE OR YOUR CHILDREN MIGHT DIE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

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