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Stories written by Softcoremac McCarthy
Softcoremac McCarthy was born in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam in 1978. He studied at the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation from 1995 until 1998, earning degrees in Political Science* and Dystopian Economics. He currently edits and manages the Knoxville Walnut via Usenet and the deep Web, working with less alienated former friends and casual acquaintances met through My Little Pony enthusiast digicommunities. His physical whereabouts are currently unknown.

Softcoremac McCarthy’s Second Annual Freshman Tips

Nas, “Nasty”

Ezra Furman & The Harpoons, “God is a Middle-Aged Woman”

Pixies, “La La Love You”

Cloud Nothings “Understand At All”

Seabear, “Arms”

The Lighthouse and the Whaler, “White Days”

Rep. John Fleming corrects statement, only has “like $300,000 left a year”

Congressman John Fleming of Louisiana released a statement today correcting his previous comment on an interview on MSNBC, saying instead of having “maybe $400,000” left per year after taxes as he previously said, it is “seriously only like $300,000 if you really think about it.”

Rep. Fleming has been under fire since Monday morning for being insensitive to the economic plight of the average American when he implied his $400,000 left a year after taxes was very little. But now he says he was not exactly clear.

“After paying employees of my fast food chains, paying taxes, and feeding my family, I have, maybe, $400,000 left over to invest in new locations, upgrade my locations, buy more equipment,” said Fleming. “My family and I have had to make major cutbacks. We can hardly afford to by name-brand caviar to feed our dogs anymore. I had to use actual wallpaper instead of gold leaf to repaper the walls of my man-cave this year so I could still afford my weekly hooker and monthly hair plugs. And all this is not even counting all the money I have to burn to heat my 4000 square-foot home. After all of that it’s really only like $300,000.”

Republicans have been saying for months that increases in tax revenue will kill jobs created by successful businessmen like Fleming. They say the only way to keep businessmen like Fleming afloat who are on the edge of bankruptcy is to lower taxes so they have more money to invest in their businesses.

“If taxes were lower, job creators like me could do what we were set on this God-given earth to do: create jobs. As it is right now, I could not even imagine hiring another employee for one of my many fast food chains. A full time employee at minimum wage plus benefits would be at least another $20,000 a year, leaving me with only $280,000. Why don’t you just ask me to live in a cardboard box!”

When asked what he does with the measly $300,000 left each year, Rep. Fleming said, “You know, my family and I always try to give back. When we can spare it, we try to donate to worthy causes like Rick Perry’s campaign or the Professional Golfer’s Association of America.”

All writing and reporting by Penultimate Warrior.

Zeus, “Kindergarten”

Modest Mouse, “Lounge”

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